Today, Tonight, and Yesterday

A while ago I was working the night shift. From about 2AM to 10AM and for a while I walked to work at night. It was peacefull. Now I work mornings from 8 to 4. Before when I worked nights I didn't have very many dreams I could readily recall I didn't have dreams I could remember and there were times I didn't remember even dreaming. I guess the second half is natural but for a month I have had far fewer similar occurances. I dream now and I have dreams I can recall and think about. My dreams now are clearer, more frequent, and now the haunt me throughout the day. Although now my sleep is more fullfilling it isn't desirable. Before I would look forward to sleeping the days away. Now sleeping is regretable. The dreams are generally repressed memories that seem to only come out at night. Repressed for a reson IMHO.....

For a while I've been saying I need to get back on my medication need to find out if my insurance will cover that.

But, see... Thing is; I don't know if I want it to go away, this gray haze. It is comforting and it isn't frightening or anything. It's almost helpful. I know what it is I can comprehend it but I can't seem to make it go away on my own sometimes it is thicker and heavier on some days. Sometimes it makes it hard to move forward or get up in the morning. Sometimes it diminishes the accomplishments of the day. I don't know if it is ever missleading. It sometimes makes my small one bedroom apartment feel like an empty large castle or stadium with just me in it.

Heh learned about savinging drafts on the phone when sending long messages.... Something always learned through experience and never the easy way....

For a while I've been thinking about quiting FFXI. The escapisim isn't there anymore I no longer feel like I am my character or that I am watching them from a distance. Instead I'm detached, I hit some keys and lights flash on the screen. The magic is gone now I wander if it's me or the game.

Lacking Dedication.

Been slacking off on my schedule. Not being on a schedule really throws everything out of wack. Gotta get back on that. I'll have to make alerts on my phone calendar or something.

Lunch time.

Eating lunch. Hanna chicken, vanilla coke, and tofu/soybean/something wrapped rice ball things... I donno, they sell them at sushi shops.